I Promise I'm So Self Conscious, I Have No Idea What I'm Doing In College

i basically retired from writing anything of substance on here about a year ago, and took up posting pictures with random hidden messages. but just like jay-z retired after he released the black album and fade to black the movie (ie. where i stole the name to theme of this useless site) and then subsequently released two new albums in the last year, i decided to comeback like jordan wearing the 45.

in reality i was actually inspired to write again after reading gilbert arenas's blog on the nba.com website. i never really care much for what celebrities or athletes write or say because it's usually just one cliche after another. checking out agent zero's blog, you can see a clear honesty that comes across in the things he writes. it's refreshing, and extremely amusing, and it's the same reason that i am always amused by the things that kanye west says. in gilbert's (first name basis) post today, made just shortly after it was releaved he has to miss 3 months of playing, he acknowledges the difficulty in trying to stay positive after he just came back from injury but then goes into his girl problems, and i feel bad for him...son(i don't think lebron would ever do that). check it.

You know what? When stuff goes bad it goes bad. I just broke up with my girlfriend and I don’t get to see my kids for a while because of the breakup. That happened right before those two games last week. I was so happy, went out and performed well with 30 and 11 and came back the next night with 28 and I was thinking, “Oh yeah, it was her that was bringing my spirits down…” Now she’s back in California. You ask for space, you know, because everything feels closed in … the house is dirty, the kids are drawing on the walls and on the couches and you’re thinking, “Oh man, I can’t do this. I’m not playing well and I’m coming home to all this.” So you ask for space and now you got clean walls, clean furniture and you’re lonely. And now you got to sit out three months. Oh man. I guess it has to get bad so it can get good. I’m not talking to my girlfriend. There’s a thing, “Watch what you say,” sometimes. She said, “I don’t want you to call me. I don’t want you to ask me about the kids. We’re going to do this on our own.” So, I decided, “OK.” Some things, if you don’t mean them, don’t say them. Now she’s mad that I’m not returning her calls. I guess she’s mad actually, I don’t know. Me and her brother are very cool so he goes, “Why don’t you just talk to her?” “Well, she just told me last week not to call her.” She told me I needed to start paying attention and listening from now on, now I’m paying attention and listening. - Gilbert Arenas, Nov. 19.21.07


if you didn't know the title of this post, is based on lyrics from kanye west - all falls down, off the college dropout album. (if you're somewhat of a hip hop head, you'd probably notice that every post title is something hip hop related...if you figured that out, deadly). anyways, the reason i titled this one the way i did, is that the reason that i stopped writing is that somewhere along the way i became self conscious of the things i wrote. i remember when i first started writing basketball newsletters to friends, and then used this to update my friends back home about life in law school, words would just flow like i was writing some dope rhymes. but then like a rap artist releasing his second album, you overthink everything you write, and everything goes downhill (i can't think of one example, where a second album was better then the first).

but today was one of those days where i had a little too much time, and started to think back about the things i wrote when i first started law school, and all the excitement and goodtimes that surrounded that. i'm going to try and repost some of those things when i get a moment, but i'm glad i have something like that to look back on and see how i was feeling at the time. as my law school career is coming to a close and i feel like i've already checked out, i can look back and remind myself why i came to law school, why i came to minnesota (of all places?)...because right now i'm not so sure, but i'm glad i did (or so i keep telling myself). i keep it real.